i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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