i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
