So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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