remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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