I cockslap morals
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
