omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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