It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Randomize
