Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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