she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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