I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
