If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
