If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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