Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
