having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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