I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
