Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
