I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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