No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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