i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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