Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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