This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
