What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
