Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize