all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We talked him into tasing himself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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