I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
