Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Congratulations! We have a period
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