Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
