Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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