In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
