I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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