I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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