His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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