can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
