I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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