she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
