I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
