I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
