awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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