Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
