Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
