I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
