I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Sorry about my life...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
