So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
