all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
