Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
