his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
