I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
