The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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