i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
soo... how was my night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
