Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
