I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
