I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
