This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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