We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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