I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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