My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
