if you like me you must not know who I am
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
