that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you win again, gameday.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
