i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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