It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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