You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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