LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
