how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
