It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
