I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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