So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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