I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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