Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
