Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
