ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
