and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
