apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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