North Korea, Best Korea!
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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