He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
