I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
