i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
