True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize