I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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