Where is the hickey?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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