I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
