I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
