i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
