We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
