dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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